Murphy's Law
by jazzberryjuice
Summary: Sasuke takes a different approach toward killing his evasive brother, who has so far been impervious to his methods of attack. TAKING REQUESTS!


**A/N: I had fun writing this ridiculous chapter, and I hope you have just as much fun reading it. Request information is below, because I couldn't put it up here for reasons you'll soon discover.**

_**MURPHY'S LAW**_

-Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.-

"I've got it," Sasuke declared, reverently staring up at the ceiling. "I've _got it._"

His annoying teammate, Naruto, followed his gaze upward. "I don't see anything," he stated blankly. "What're you looking at?"

"Oh, please, Sasuke-kun," Sakura, his other annoying teammate, rolled her eyes, "not _another _scheme. Face it, you're never going to kill Ita…" she stopped at his murderous expression. "Um, your brother."

"What makes you say that?" Sasuke asked slowly.

Sakura tossed her annoyingly pink hair and fixed him with an annoying stare.

"You need to come up with some better adjectives," Naruto inserted.

Sasuke blinked. "What?" Had he said that out loud?

"Yes," Sakura replied crossly, "and you asked yourself that out loud, too."

"Oh." He blinked again, making a mental note to examine his brain to mouth filter. He needed his self-control in tip-top shape if he even hoped to kill—

"Your eyes are glazing over, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, annoy—_superciliously._ There.

A thought crossed his mind. "Wait, why do you think I can't kill him?"

"Well… Remember that time you put an alligator—"

"_Crocodile."_

"—right, crocodile, in Kisame's swimming pool?"

Sasuke frowned at the mention of Itachi's genetic mutation of a roommate. How dare she speak of The Incident That Was Never To Be Spoken Of? "How was I supposed to know it wasn't Itachi's pool?"

"I don't know, maybe because there were _sharks _in there as well?"

"I thought someone _else _was trying to kill him!"

Sakura rolled her eyes again. Naruto looked up. "What about the time you put a banana peel on the staircase?"

"It would've worked," Sasuke protested, shooting a venomous glare at Naruto, "if our very own village idiot hadn't slipped on it first."

"He could've been killed!"

Sasuke shrugged. "A necessary sacrifice."

"Hey!" Naruto shouted.

They both ignored him.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, more gently, "I could go on. The point is, your plans don't work."

"I _know _that," he replied stubbornly. "That's why I'm trying a different approach."

Sakura considered this. "Will it be your last one? If this one doesn't work, do you promise to stop trying to kill Ita… your brother? I mean, I don't think you two have a very healthy relationship."

"Whatever."

She nodded, pleased. "Okay, what is it?"

"I'm going to write it on a To-Do-List," Sasuke said proudly. He waited for the shock, for her eyes to pop in wonder, her hair to frizzle in awe, her—

"You're kidding."

"It's a brilliant idea."

"It's a," she swallowed, like she couldn't believe she was about to say what she was about to say, "brilliantly _stupid_ idea."

Naruto gasped. "Ohhhhhhh dang."

They ignored him.

"It is not."

"Yes, it is!"

"It is not."

"It is!"

"Not," Sasuke said with finality. "And if you've noticed, 'it is' plus 'not' equals 'it is not'. Therefore, it is not."

Sakura stared at him incredulously. "Sasuke-kun, we've just established that your plans never work. Why on earth do you think _writing down your plans _is going to make it any better?"

"Technically, I'll be planning out my plans. My theory is that all my genius ideas," he glared at Naruto, who was turning blue in the face from holding back laughter, "unfortunately failed because of extraneous factors that I did not take into account. So, if I include multiple plans of action, along with various alternative strategies to deal with any possible occurrence, there is no reason why my plan will not succeed this time."

"You're missing the point," Sakura said simply.

"Plans never go as planned," Naruto interjected. "It's, like, Murphy's Law!"

"Dobe, stop trying to sound smart. Just by opening your mouth, you collectively lower the IQ of the entire country," Sasuke scoffed.

Naruto glared at him. "You haven't even heard my idea yet."

They waited with absolutely no expectations.

"Okay," Naruto began excitedly. "Plans don't work out exactly like you want them to. It's a fact. A universal law. So what you do is…"

Sasuke unconsciously leaned in.

"Reverse-psychology the universe! Instead of making a To-Do-List, make a To-Not-Do-List! That way, by planning to not do something, the universe will contrarily make it happen. And then everyone'll be happy."

"That's…" Sakura stared, slack-jawed.

"… A brilliantly _stupid idea_," Sasuke finished.

Naruto huffed. "Geniuses are never understood," he said, exiting with a dramatic flourish of his hand.

They watched him go.

"Why're you still here?" He asked Sakura after a minute or two of silence had passed.

"I'm going to help you."

"You think it's a stupid plan," he bitterly pointed out. "So why?"

"Truthfully, I thought I might have a better chance of scoring a date if I helped you out with this. You know, like you'd owe it to me… or something." She smiled coquettishly, tucking a strand of pink behind her ear and sidling up to him.

"Oh."

She waited expectantly. "So…?"

"No."

…

Sasuke sat at his desk, pencil in hand.

_To-Do-List_

_Kill Itachi_

Maybe they were right, Sasuke realized in horror. He sucked at forming plans; this was no different than what he usually did. It would never work.

Cradling his face in his hands, Sasuke started a new list. The Dobe would never let him live this down.

_To-Not-Do-List_

**A/N: For the request part: leave a review with things to put on, you guessed it, Sasuke's To-Not-Do-List. Basically, things Sasuke should conspire to not-do in order to test Naruto's theory that the universe will do whatever you tell it not to. They'd probably be little things that Sasuke would actually want to do.**

**Example: **** make Kisame eat sushi, push Sakura/Naruto off a cliff, find out why Kakashi's late to training all the time, etc.**

**Also, feedback on the chapter length, please.**


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